The Birth of the Sprouts Part One

We got pregnant by in-vitro fertilization in early 2001. The dr. got four fertilized eggs to put back, but told us they were “low-quality” whatever that means, and didn’t hold out much hope that they would implant. 3 out of 4 did! I went on bed-rest in mid-May, just after I received my bachelor's degree – wasn’t going to miss out on the ceremony, since I was 36 years old and had waited that long to finish college! I had contraction monitoring equipment that I had to use twice a day and send the data by phone to a company called Matria. The whole thing was going just great! No excess contractions, no diabetes, no high-blood pressure. The babies were all growing fine, had no life-threatening chromosomal defects, and no apparent other problems. My perinatologist was going to schedule a c-section around the middle of October at 36 weeks.

On Friday, July 27, 2001, Nigel had left to go to a "team-building" exercise at the Zoo. We had just had a checkup that morning with our perinatal specialist and everything was looking terrific. All the kids were measuring over 2 lbs, which was great for triplets just at 28 weeks.

I had been laying on the bed, just resting after the gigantic lunch we ate after our appointment, when I decided to get some more ice water -which I craved like I now crave chocolate and Bugles and Cheez-Its. I heaved my legs over the side of the bed and felt a small *pop* and felt wetness. I threw myself into the floor to avoid getting the bed all wet (stupid priorities!) and felt it running down my leg. I grabbed the phone and went to the bathroom.

While sitting there, I first called my dr., who told me to get to her affiliated hospital as quickly as I could so they could test the fluid and see if it was amniotic (like there was a chance it wasn't - :roll: ). I told her about Nigel and where he was and that we couldn't be there for at least an hour. She said fine. I then called my mom. Bad girl! I still haven't told Nigel that I called my mom before I called him. My mom started packing. Then I paged Nigel and he called me back right away on the cell phone of a woman in his group. I told him to come home right now and what had happened.

He arrived in about 20 minutes, probably lucky he didn't get a ticket, since it normally takes about 35 minutes to get to the zoo. I had packed a small bag, just in case, and we took off.

We got to the hospital in another 25 minutes and found our way to where my dr. was waiting. They tested the fluid and found that it was amniotic. They did ultrasounds and found that The Princess's sac had ruptured, but the boys were still enclosed. They hooked me up to three fetal monitors (external) and told me to stay calm. As if!!!

An hour or so later, my dr. came to tell us that since there were not three beds available in the NICU, we would have to be sent elsewhere in case delivery was unavoidable, but that they were going to try everything they could to prevent delivery. The monitors were showing occasional contractions, but nothing big - I had had a couple of contractions per hour for a few weeks. They wanted to make sure The Princess's sac was refilling itself as it leaked and to try to find where the rupture was - the closer to the cervix, the more likelihood of infection for her. They gave me Magnesium Sulfate, which gave me horrendous hot flashes for hours, but would hopefully stop any contracting. They also gave me a steroid shot to develop the babies' lungs more quickly in case we had to deliver. Two more steroid shots would be required, but they didn't know where I'd be by then. My dr. drew little marks with "A", "B", and "C" on my belly where the babies were located so that her records would make sense when she had to fax them to another facility.

My dr. came back about another hour later and told me that Hospital B was full and Hospital C was full, so they would be flying me to Hospital D. Nigel could go to, as long as he didn't take anything. Within minutes, we were being unhooked from this and that and being rehooked up to this and that and were whisked by ambulance to the airport for a LifeFlight to Hospital D. It was one of the most terrible things I've ever experienced. Besides being frightened out of my mind, I was nauseated and contracting. Poor Nigel was just sitting in the tail of the plane wringing his hands and trying to smile at me a lot. He had called our families before we left. The plane was hot and the Mag Sulfate didn't help that at all. They had to inject Phenergan to keep me from barfing all over their pretty plane.

Good Times!

Part Two to follow

Maleficent's Consumer Report: The Diva Cup

When we were preparing to move to Israel, one of the things people told us was that paper products are expensive and not what we are used to in the States. Now, while I am a Charmin and Bounty woman (who doesn't like squeezable softness on one's hiney or the joys of the "quicker picker-upper"?), I have been conscientiously trying to limit the use of paper products in general around the house. This is made more difficult by Nigel's upbringing in Wisconsin, where paper reigns supreme and half of any town was employed by some paper mill during his childhood. He just HAS to have his paper products. Still, I figured that if I kept my own and the kids' use to a minimum, we could make a small difference. My determination may have something to do with the fact that I did use disposable diapers when the kids were babies and I'm still experiencing a bit of guilt. Our diapers (triplets times at least 6 changes per 24 hr. period) probably made a land-fill of their own.

Now, on to the products in question: Feminine hygiene products; pads and poons; plugs and mattresses. I have always hated pads. Bulky, uncomfortable, smelly, no matter how "soft" the cover, no matter how frequent the change, no matter how mom-ish the pants, pads have been my bane. They are also hard to transport without taking up needed room in the tiny purse, and all purses end up being too tiny, no matter how big they actually are. Like George Carlin's "Stuff," things just multiply until there is no more room. Poons (a euphemism stolen from my best friend from high school, along with the name "Charlie" for our periods, as in "Aw, crap, Charlie's here for the week!" or "Chuck got to my house yesterday.") are much better, but still a pain to transport without getting purse-dirt all over them when the packages open. Subject for another post: my first tampon use, complete with lesson from above-mentioned friend, in a "not for customers' use" bathroom, on Bourbon Street, during a choir trip to New Orleans my sophomore year of H.S. Good times!

At any rate, someone on a forum I frequent had mentioned a Diva Cup in response to a complaint from another forum member. In researching this interesting item, I found that there is also a Moon Cup, which is very similar. I chose the Diva Cup because of its availability in an actual store, so I didn't have to mail order.

TESTIMONIAL: I love this thing. I've been using it for four cycles now, and I can say that I do not ever want to go back to sticking paper inside me or in my underwear.

That said, this product is not for everyone. It does put you in close contact with your menstrual blood, and it takes some practice and some getting used to. It took me a cycle and a half to get the hang of insertion and removal, but I only made a mess one time, so not that big a deal. The sight of blood doesn't bother me, unless I can see tendons or bones through it, so that wasn't a problem either. I don't have any issues with having to put my fingers into my vagina to adjust things if necessary, so no problem there.

There are only two sizes of Diva Cups. The small size is recommended for women under 30 who have never given birth. The large size is for women over 30 OR women who have given birth. According to this formula, I should be a size large. However, I find that the large size is a bit too large for me, even though I am both over 30 AND have given birth. When I replace my cup, I will be getting the small size to try. Their reasoning for my use of the large size is that vaginal muscles get looser with age and with childbirth, and my hips are wider than they were prior to childbirth and maturity (physical maturity, that is!). Still, I have done my Kegel's, and I am a very small person to start with, so I don't think these rules apply to me.

I highly recommend this product. Here are a couple of helpful hints for beginners if you should choose to buy a Diva Cup:

1) When you are first learning to use the cup, run your finger around it after insertion to be sure it is all the way open. I found that when mine was new, it sometimes remained partially folded, causing leaks. I could correct this by gently pulling it down until it fully opened up and then gently pushing it back into place.

2) When you are first learning to use the cup, be sure you are gentle when removing it and that you are holding it upright. My first removal was a little too quick and that's when I made the mess.

If I remember correctly, my Diva Cup cost me $35.00. This is pretty pricey, considering my flow is not too heavy and I didn't go through poons like more heavy-flow women do. Still, I like it so much better than other products, and I will no longer be contributing used pads and poons to the landfill, so I think it is worth it.

Towel Day - May 25th

Fans of Douglas Adams will already know what Towel Day is. For those who don't, go here for information. Let's not ever forget the wonderful and amazingly smart and funny Douglas Adams! Don't forget your towel!

The Catholic Church Hierarchy Also Sux

A jury in Burlington, VT has awarded $8.7 million to a former altar boy who was fondled by a priest between 1976 and 1978. The whole story is here.

According to the story, these are the facts:
This priest had been hired by the diocese in Burlington, which was aware of previous molestations in Massachusetts and Indiana, as well as molestations in another Vermont town.
He was not fired until 1978, when parents complained to the Bishop, and he is now retired and was not named in the lawsuit.
The current Bishop, Salvatore Matano, says the "looming predicament [of the church] is a":

sad and tragic moment in our history.

He also whines that:

the verdict as it stands will have a very serious impact on a rural diocese; a small, rural diocese.

And:

I do not want in any way to inflict any suffering or any pain upon the faithful in this diocese because of what happened in the past.

My questions are these:

Which is the tragic moment of this story?
A) When the church which placed this known molester in contact with these young men was forced to pay damages to one of them.
OR
B) When the young man named in the suit and several other young men were molested by the known molester, while performing their duties as altar boys.

Which occurance most likely had a more serious impact on the MEMBERS of that diocese?
A) When the church which placed this known molester in contact with these young men was forced to pay damages to one of them, possibly causing financial difficulties for the CHURCH.
OR
B) When the young man named in the suit and several other young men were molested by the known molester.

Which occurance most likely inflicted suffering and pain on the faithful of the diocese?
A) When the church which placed this known molester in contact with these young men was forced to pay damages to one of them.
OR
B) When the young man named in the suit as well as several other young men were FUCKING MOLESTED AT CHURCH, BEING ALTAR BOYS, EXHIBITING THEIR FAITH ALONG WITH THEIR FAMILIES.

And this comment about this being in the past! Do they not think this man remembers this every day of his life? Do they not wonder if any of the young men have had ongoing problems stemming from the abuse they suffered as youths? WTF?

All that said, maybe one of the saddest parts of this story are two of the comments on the Burlington Free News page (linked above), which are:

O'Heel [plaintiff's name is O'Neill] is allegedly a Catholic, a very greedy one and a traitor to his faith. God will punish him and his long wagon train of money grubbing plantiffs [sic].

Children and famalies [sic] will suffer because of this case.

and

Well...not suprising [sic] however I am sure after 8.7 Million he has forgotten all about it...what was I in burlington [sic] for? I am sure he is asking. SOmeday [sic] O'Neil [and sic] and this person will have to answer for this...till then

So, the priest who molested several young men over almost a decade, with the knowledge and connivance of the church hierarchy is fine and dandy with these individuals, but the young men, especially Mr. O'Neill, will be punished by God?

So, children and families who suffered and are most likely still suffering the effects of the molestations by this man who not only broke his holy vows, but also betrayed the trust of the faithful children and families involved in the molestations are meaningless, but the poor church that may have to sell some of its stock or pony up some of its vast sums of money so that it can continue to serve children and families has been WRONGED and BETRAYED.

So, Mr. O'Neill and the other young men and their families will FORGET they were molested by a trusted representative of their church if money is thrown at them?

Ridiculous and frightening. I don't believe the Jesus story, but these people do, and I would love to ask them who Jesus would be more likely to favor - the wealthy church, shielding this priest who was betraying the trust of faithful and innocent young men, or the young men themselves?

If the church "serves" its flock in this manner, who needs that kind of service?

When Religion Makes the Rules American Style

Most literate and/or conscious people have heard of Madeline Kara Neumann, the 11-year-old whose parents killed her by withholding life-saving medical care, depending, instead, on the (non-existant)power of prayer to heal her end-stage diabetes.

Now, Madeline's parents have been charged with second degree reckless homocide. And rightly, I say.

In one way, at least, this, just like the killings of women I wrote about in this post, is also an honor killing. Madeline's parents were not members of any church, but her parents had their honor all tied up with their faith that prayer would heal their daughter of this very preventable and manageable disease. On the Friday before Madeline's death, as she sank further and further into the illness, her mother said, "We stayed by her side nonstop and we prayed." On the evening prior to Madeline's death, after she had already fallen off the toilet in her diabetes-caused lethargy, her parents sent out a call for help. Not to 911. But to AmericasLastDays, an online ministry run by David Eells, where they sent an e-mail saying, "Help our daughter needs emergency prayer!!!!"

I call this an honor-killing because, like the parents who would stone their daughters to death to prevent them from going against misogynistic, uterus-controlling, patriarchical religious laws, these parents killed their daughter to prevent her from going against their stone-age, anti-science, religious laws. Madeline's father even goes so far as to say that "given the same set of circumstances with another child, he would not waiver in his faith and confidence in the healing power of prayer." These parents had placed all their honor in the hands of a non-existent super-power, to whom they called for help as their daughter lay dying, instead of availing themselves of what ANYONE IN THE U.S. knows is the best help for illness and disease, MODERN FUCKING MEDICINE. Had they caved and taken Madeline to the hospital, their honor would have been besmirched and their dedication to their invisible friend would have been shown to be hollow. They couldn't have that!

Honor is tied to pride. Anyone who doubts this should (hopefully having already read it once) reread the parts of Homer's The Iliad concerning Achilles. The pride of the Neumann family, their arrogance in denying all evidence to the contrary and insisting on prayer over medicine, their choice of honor over their daughter's life, and now, their (or his, at least) insistence that they would do it AGAIN, have shown that they have no business being parents. I hope they get long jail sentences.

Another sad thing about this is that, having been raised by these people, Madeline herself may have chosen prayer over medicine as well, had she been given the choice. I'll bet she WASN'T given the choice, but in a family as prideful, arrogant, and honor-bound to follow their dangerous and deadly non-entity, I'll bet it didn't even occur to her, in her illness, that there might be another way, a way that would let her live. Poor child. I grieve for her.

UPDATE: Go to Pharyngula for more information - apparently, the great State of Wisconsin has a law on its books that allows parents to kill their children for religious reasons. I'm now hoping that this case will overthrow that law and set a new precedent. Children have no choice!!! If a parent wants to kill him or herself, then FINE. But let's give the children the benefit of the doubt and assume they would prefer to live until they can make the choice themselves.

When Religion Makes the Rules

I have no words to describe how I feel about this article.The gist is that a 17 year old Iraqi girl, Rand Abdel-Qader met a 22 year old British soldier while working as a volunteer at a Basra aid station. When her father was told of the relationship (it is not clear if they were doing anything more than seeing and talking with each other in the course of their duties), he "stamped upon, suffocated and stabbed" her in front of her mother and with the help of her brothers.

Her father was released from police custody without being charged within two hours because:

Not much can be done when we have an honour killing case," said Sergeant Ali Jabbar of Basra police. "You are in a Muslim society and women should live under religious laws. The father has very good contacts inside the Basra government and it wasn't hard for him to be released and what he did to be forgotten. (bolding is mine)

The only good to come out of this is that her mother has since divorced her father, though she is currently hiding from his family, who have threatened her.

The article notes that there were 47 (FORTY FUCKING SEVEN) "honour" killings, JUST IN THAT CITY last year.

Noted that there are many equally or even more heinous instances of violence toward women that have been publicized lately. The most talked about recently is the public stoning to death of Du'a Khalil Aswad in Bashika, a town near Mosul in Iraq. Her crime was to love a Sunni Muslim young man when her family are members of a minority Kurdish religion. A video of the stoning was made by some onlooker and posted on the internet. I will not provide a link to that. In this case, Kurdish leaders have legislated against "honour" killings, but security and police forces neither tried to stop this nor investigated it afterwards, which is the standard reaction in these cases.

I am outraged and horrified and have no idea what should be done (besides the obvious - that the Iraqi people themselves need to wake the fuck up and establish some sort of justice system that works for ALL Iraqis.) What the fuck is wrong with some of these people? How could anyone do things like this to their own children? Despicable!

**********UPDATE************
There's a huge debate going on in the comments section of PZ's post about this article at Pharyngula. I declare myself on the side of those who say that until so-called "moderate" Muslims and their religious leaders openly and loudly declare themselves against "honor" killings, and against stoning adulterers and apostates, they are part of the problem.

National Day of Reason - Donate Your Organs!

Tomorrow, May 1, 2008, is the 5th annual National Day of Reason. At the website, there are listings of local events going on around the US. Sadly, I notice that there are few events. However, many secular groups are unofficially encouraging such activities as giving blood or plasma on this day. Even if you do this individually, not as a group, giving blood is always a great thing to do. I have been unable to give blood the last three times I've gone for my appointments due to the fact that my heart rate is over 100 each time! I don't know if I've developed a "freak-out" about it or what, since I never had that problem before. So, I'm pushing another option:

BECOME AN ORGAN DONOR!

If you are not already an organ donor, May 1 would be a good day to fill out that paperwork and start informing your loved ones that you would like to be one. Organ donation is something that can potentially help anyone. Ironically, since mandatory seatbelt laws were passed in the US, and motorcycle helmet laws passed in some states, there has been a dearth of donors (not as many folks flying through windshields, destroying brains, but leaving organs intact)*, which makes individual action on this issue even more urgent. For information about donation, visit OrganDonor.gov.

*source here.