Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Whiny Fussoids Have Landed - Chapter 1

The Whiny Fussoids recklessly exited their spaceship, the leader sliding on the slick stairway because the official regulations of the Whiny Fussoid Union required that he only wear socks with his uniform. He landed hard on his left hip, crying out in pain.

"You did it!" exclaimed the Captain, pointing to his second-in-command. His face was red and tears ran down onto his shirt.

"I did not!" retorted Number Two, who, in fact, had pushed the captain slightly in her rush to get to the bottom of the escape hatch stairway.

This light-hearted banter continued for some minutes until suddenly a large and hideous alien appeared, looming over the three space adventurers like a salivating schpixslapper.

It glared at our heroes and said firmly, "If this bickering doesn't stop, I'm turning off the computer."


"She pushed me!" said the Captain.

"I did not!" said Number Two.

"She's LYING!" said the Communications Officer.

"I am NOT!" Number Two exclaimed, and promptly burst into tears.

"Let's get you guys some lunch. I have sandwiches, crackers with pepperoni, star chicken. Which would you like?" the disgusting alien said.

The captain thought for a minute and said, "I want to go to the Burger Bar."

"Well, no," said the nasty, uncooperative alien, "We're going to eat here today. What would you like?"

Suddenly a chorus broke out.

"WEEEE WANT TO GO TO THE BURGER BAR!!!!" the crew members shouted.

"Ymnbahtipust'restrunt," whined the Communications Officer.

The alien, though ugly, cruel, and stupid, had dealt with this species of Fussoid before and knew that the preceding statement actually meant: You never take us to a restaurant.

"We went to a nice restaurant just the other day," retorted the alien, "and we're NOT going to one now. Now, what would you like for lunch?"

"YOU HATE ME! I'M NOT A BOY! I'M JUST A DUMMY!" screamed the Communications Officer.

Number Two rolled her eyes and said, "He always whines."

The huge and drooling alien went into the bathroom, closed the door, and banged its misshapen head against the counter five times. Then it came back out and said, "I'll make everyone peanut butter sandwiches. Does anyone want jelly?"

"I'm not hungry. It's my turn on the computer," commented the Captain, heading back to the spaceship.

The alien, seeing images of what painful injuries could be inflicted on the Fussoids with the dull butter knife in its ragged claws, said quietly, "You Will Eat Some Lunch Now. Get to the table."

The Fussoids, crying mightily and crazy with despair over the unfairness and inhumanity of the wicked, wicked alien, sat at the table. Eventually, each finished at least a majority of the sandwich provided by the nasty slave-driving alien.

"I'm through!" said the Captain.

"I'm through!" said Number Two.

"Akmfooo!" said the Communications Officer, who still had sandwich in his mouth.

"Okay, take your plates to the sink. Who's turn is it on the computer?" asked the alien.

Three voices cried out, "MINE!!!!!!!"

End of chapter one.

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